Taking Every Thought Captive

Trusting God through second-guessing, fear, and the small decisions that feel big.

When I started writing Portraits of the Kingdom of God: Stories of Faith from Kenya through the Beatitudes, the outline and stories came easily. Our friends from Kenya wanted their stories shared. But when it came time to design the book cover, I felt completely stuck. You want the title to match the image and carry a consistent theme. Was I second-guessing myself and being indecisive, or was this just part of the process? I imagine it is like building a custom home or renovating, where you have to choose the faucet, the tile, and the countertops. Or maybe it is like painting a picture, with all the choices in color and composition.

The ideas went back and forth, from picture frames on the cover, to images of Kenyan people, to the acacia tree. Decisions had to be made about font choices. It felt like running in circles, but I kept praying through it. Eventually, the acacia tree was chosen which was beautiful, and then it was time to choose the fonts. It came to just making a decision and moving forward with it.

I do not know if you can relate, but even after making a decision, lingering thoughts of doubt remained. My mind wanted to chase fear, doubt, and confusion. Those things are not a part of who God is. It felt like all those thoughts were loose, running wild, and causing havoc in my mind. I found myself asking over and over again, Why did you choose that font? Why did you put your picture on the back of the cover? I needed peace.

As the apostle Paul writes about being led by the Spirit of God (Romans 8:14), "we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ" (2 Corinthians 10:5). But how? We have to replace old thoughts with new ones. The breakthrough came while reading Spare Me: A Guide to Parental Peace, a book my friend Laking Jordan wrote. Even though her book is about parenting, its truth applies to other areas of life, and for me, even to decisions about the front and back of a book cover. She writes about the difference between being filled with guilt and taking responsibility:

"Guilt is not a good friend. You are constantly taken back to the moment you decided to do something. You are held captive to that decision and that time in your life, and when you reflect, you can only see yourself and no one else. Guilt lies to you and makes you believe you were alone when you decided, in a vacuum."

Thankfully, these words gave me a new way to think. I did not want to be held captive to these decisions. The Bible says we are to take those negative thoughts captive. I also realized how self-focused I had become. These thoughts were centered on me. It was time to repent.

Then our Maasai friend, John Oldikany, messaged me from Kenya about the book. He reminded me that God will do more than we can ask, think, or imagine (Ephesians 3:20), and that we are praying many will come to salvation and be encouraged. That brought me back to why the book was written in the first place. He also said, "It will not be in vain. All for His glory." The next day, he told me he loved the portrait of the acacia tree and that it was so beautiful. It really is. He went on to explain how much the acacia tree means in Kenya, especially in Maasailand. It was incredibly insightful, and that will be the next blog: the meaning of the acacia tree and the cover of the book.

For now, whatever thoughts you are wrestling with, ask yourself: Where are these thoughts coming from? We have an accuser, an enemy named Satan, and he thrives in indecision, causing confusion and robbing us of peace. Why? He does not want our minds focused on the Kingdom of God.

And as my friend Laking encouraged me while I was wrestling those thoughts regarding putting my picture on the back of the book, she said, "It is okay to be visible for the Kingdom."

So take the thought captive, fix your eyes on Him, and move forward in peace, for His glory.